


What Happened on the Way Home

by LapfulofMisha



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 00:32:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19073854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LapfulofMisha/pseuds/LapfulofMisha
Summary: Inspired by tricia_16's fic in progress. Am I sorry? HELL no.





	What Happened on the Way Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tricia_16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tricia_16/gifts).



FROM TRISHA: Cas, Dean, Sam and Jack are leaving the hotel in the Impala and heading back to the bunker.

TO TRISHA: Here's what happened in the car.

*****

Dean puts the pedal to the metal and turns on the Impala's stereo. He and Cas are good and everything is right in the world. Sam and Jack are in the backseat (Sam pretended to be reluctant about giving up shotgun so Cas could sit by Dean, but all four of them knew it was a false complaint. Sam had actually giggled. 

_Giggled_.)

In any case Dean reaches over with his right hand to turn on the stereo, with a crafty plan on where his hand will go next. 

The stereo remains silent.

"What the-!?!?"

Dean hits it a couple times. Pounding on electronics is usually effective in getting them to work, but this time it's not helpful.

"Dean?" Cas looks concerned about the radio's welfare.

"Dammit!" Dean yells at his failure to get music going. "I CANNOT drive in silence!"

"I know a song we can sing," Jack offers, almost shyly.

"Really?" Sam seems amused, eyebrows raised, face trying to hide a smile.

"Yes," Jack replies. "I'm told it is a common song to sing on roadtrips." 

Dean looks in the rearview. He's about to tell Jack, no sissy roadtrip songs are going to be sung in his Baby. It's sacrilegious. Or it should be. But Jack looks like a happy puppy, and Dean can't bring himself to tell him no.

"Please join in if you know it," Jack smiles, and begins to sing.

"99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, if one of those bottles should happen to fall, 98 bottles of beer on the wall."

"I've heard a version of this song," Cas says contemplatively. Dean sees from the corner of his eye that Cas plans to sing also.

Could this get any worse?

Cas clears his throat. "98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 97 bottles of beer on the wall."

"I like that one better!" Jack says enthusiastically. 

Dean checks the rearview again and sees Sam bobbing his head.

_For Chuck's Sake, it's like they've all fallen victim to a compulsion._

Dean can't believe it. His fingers grip the wheel, his teeth dig into his tongue. He tries desperately to think happy thoughts. It's to no avail. 

Sam has chimed in and now all three of them are singing:

"97 bottles of beer on the wall, 97 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 96 bottles of beer on the wall.

"96 bottles of beer on the wall, 96 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 95 bottles of beer on the wall.

"95 bottles of beer on the wall, 95 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 94 bottles of beer on the wall.

"94 bottles of beer on the wall, 94 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 93 bottles of beer on the wall.

"93 bottles of beer on the wall, 93 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 92 bottles of beer on the wall.

"92 bottles of beer on the wall, 92 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 91 bottles of beer on the wall.

"91 bottles of beer on the wall, 91 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 90 bottles of beer on the wall.

"90 bottles of beer on the wall, 90 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 89 bottles of beer on the wall.

"89 bottles of beer on the wall, 89 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 88 bottles of beer on the wall.

"88 bottles of beer on the wall, 88 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 87 bottles of beer on the wall.

"87 bottles of beer on the wall, 87 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 86 bottles of beer on the wall.

"86 bottles of beer on the wall, 86 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 85 bottles of beer on the wall.

"85 bottles of beer on the wall, 85 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 84 bottles of beer on the wall.

"84 bottles of beer on the wall, 84 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 83 bottles of beer on the wall."

Dean believes he has slipped into an alternate reality. One where singing on key is a criminal offense.

"83 bottles of beer on the wall, 83 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 82 bottles of beer on the wall.

"82 bottles of beer on the wall, 82 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 81 bottles of beer on the wall.

"81 bottles of beer on the wall, 81 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 80 bottles of beer on the wall.

"80 bottles of beer on the wall, 80 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 79 bottles of beer on the wall.

"79 bottles of beer on the wall, 79 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 78 bottles of beer on the wall.

"78 bottles of beer on the wall, 78 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 77 bottles of beer on the wall.

"77 bottles of beer on the wall, 77 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 76 bottles of beer on the wall.

"76 bottles of beer on the wall, 76 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 75 bottles of beer on the wall.

"75 bottles of beer on the wall, 75 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 74 bottles of beer on the wall.

"74 bottles of beer on the wall, 74 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 73 bottles of beer on the wall.

"73 bottles of beer on the wall, 73 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 72 bottles of beer on the wall."

"GUYS!" Dean hollers. "That's enough!"

They ignore him.

"72 bottles of beer on the wall, 72 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 71 bottles of beer on the wall.

"71 bottles of beer on the wall, 71 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 70 bottles of beer on the wall.

"70 bottles of beer on the wall, 70 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 69 bottles of beer on the wall."

"69, Dean," Cas offers. "This is the name of a sexual position, and I would like to-"

"OKAY Let's keep singing," Sam hollers. "69 bottles of beer on the wall, 69 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 68 bottles of beer on the wall.

"68 bottles of beer on the wall, 68 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 67 bottles of beer on the wall.

"67 bottles of beer on the wall, 67 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 66 bottles of beer on the wall.

"66 bottles of beer on the wall, 66 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 65 bottles of beer on the wall.

"65 bottles of beer on the wall, 65 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 64 bottles of beer on the wall.

"64 bottles of beer on the wall, 64 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 63 bottles of beer on the wall.

"63 bottles of beer on the wall, 63 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 62 bottles of beer on the wall.

"62 bottles of beer on the wall, 62 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 61 bottles of beer on the wall.

"61 bottles of beer on the wall, 61 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 60 bottles of beer on the wall.

"60 bottles of beer on the wall, 60 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 59 bottles of beer on the wall.

"59 bottles of beer on the wall, 59 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 58 bottles of beer on the wall."

Dean has a mouthful of blood from biting so hard on his tongue. A tear slides down his face, hears the singing, and slides back up into the tear duct it crawled out of. The noise continues. He feels powerless.

"58 bottles of beer on the wall, 58 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 57 bottles of beer on the wall.

"57 bottles of beer on the wall, 57 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 56 bottles of beer on the wall."

Jack has begun bouncing up and down in time with the beat. Dean begins to fear he might die.

"56 bottles of beer on the wall, 56 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 55 bottles of beer on the wall.

"55 bottles of beer on the wall, 55 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 54 bottles of beer on the wall.

"54 bottles of beer on the wall, 54 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 53 bottles of beer on the wall.

"53 bottles of beer on the wall, 53 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 52 bottles of beer on the wall.

"52 bottles of beer on the wall, 52 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 51 bottles of beer on the wall."

Dean begins to fear he might NOT die.

"51 bottles of beer on the wall, 51 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 50 bottles of beer on the wall.

"50 bottles of beer on the wall, 50 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 49 bottles of beer on the wall.

"49 bottles of beer on the wall, 49 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 48 bottles of beer on the wall.

"48 bottles of beer on the wall, 48 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 47 bottles of beer on the wall.

"47 bottles of beer on the wall, 47 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 46 bottles of beer on the wall.

"46 bottles of beer on the wall, 46 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 45 bottles of beer on the wall.

"45 bottles of beer on the wall, 45 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 44 bottles of beer on the wall.

"44 bottles of beer on the wall, 44 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 43 bottles of beer on the wall."

Dean decides he has _already_ died, and has landed in some bizarre circle of hell where torture is psychological rather than physical.

"43 bottles of beer on the wall, 43 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 42 bottles of beer on the wall.

"42 bottles of beer on the wall, 42 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 41 bottles of beer on the wall.

"41 bottles of beer on the wall, 41 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 40 bottles of beer on the wall.

"40 bottles of beer on the wall, 40 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 39 bottles of beer on the wall.

"39 bottles of beer on the wall, 39 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 38 bottles of beer on the wall.

"38 bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 37 bottles of beer on the wall.

"37 bottles of beer on the wall, 37 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 36 bottles of beer on the wall.

"36 bottles of beer on the wall, 36 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 35 bottles of beer on the wall.

"35 bottles of beer on the wall, 35 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 34 bottles of beer on the wall.

"34 bottles of beer on the wall, 34 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 33 bottles of beer on the wall.

"33 bottles of beer on the wall, 33 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 32 bottles of beer on the wall."

"STOP!" Dean hollers. But the others don't hear him over the sound of their own singing. Which is becoming louder at an exponential rate.

Perhaps he could summon Crowley.

"32 bottles of beer on the wall, 32 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 31 bottles of beer on the wall.

"31 bottles of beer on the wall, 31 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 30 bottles of beer on the wall.

"CROWLEY!" Dean shouts.

"30 bottles of beer on the wall, 30 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 29 bottles of beer on the wall.

"29 bottles of beer on the wall, 29 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 28 bottles of beer on the wall."

Crowley materializes on the seat right between Sam and Jack. Sam raises his eyebrows and smiles, Jack tilts his head in a perfect imitation of Cas. Cas rolls his eyes at the appearance of the dark-haired King of Hell. Nonetheless, all three keep singing.

"28 bottles of beer on the wall, 28 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 27 bottles of beer on the wall.

"27 bottles of beer on the wall, 27 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 26 bottles of beer on the wall."

Crowley looks back and forth between Sam and Jack, then casts a curious eye on Cas. He observes Dean's fingers wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel he's probably giving himself arthritis. 

He's probably giving the _steering wheel_ arthritis.

Crowley smiles. They have a special room in Hell where they torture people with this song. He happily joins in.

"25 bottles of beer on the wall, 25 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 24 bottles of beer on the wall."

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" Dean hollers. 

"24 bottles of beer on the wall, 24 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 23 bottles of beer on the wall.

"23 bottles of beer on the wall, 23 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 22 bottles of beer on the wall.

"22 bottles of beer on the wall, 22 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 21 bottles of beer on the wall.

"21 bottles of beer on the wall, 21 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 20 bottles of beer on the wall.

"20 bottles of beer on the wall, 20 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 19 bottles of beer on the wall.

"19 bottles of beer on the wall, 19 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 18 bottles of beer on the wall.

"18 bottles of beer on the wall, 18 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 17 bottles of beer on the wall."

Dean feels like he might vomit. Who would've guessed Crowley would _join in_? He can't take it. 

They're approximately 45 minutes from the bunker. Dean knows of a liquor store in the small town they're driving through. He can stop and pick up some alcohol so he can drown his sorrows and scour his eardrums as soon as they get home.

"17 bottles of beer on the wall, 17 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 16 bottles of beer on the wall.

"16 bottles of beer on the wall, 16 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 15 bottles of beer on the wall.

"15 bottles of beer on the wall, 15 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 14 bottles of beer on the wall.

"14 bottles of beer on the wall, 14 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 13 bottles of beer on the wall."

Dean realizes he's going to require a LOT of alcohol to scour his eardrums. He also needs to boil his brain. He doesn't want to retain this memory. He wants to forget he even knows these people. And angels. And demons. Whatever.

"13 bottles of beer on the wall, 13 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 12 bottles of beer on the wall.

"12 bottles of beer on the wall, 12 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 11 bottles of beer on the wall.

"11 bottles of beer on the wall, 11 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 10 bottles of beer on the wall.

"10 bottles of beer on the wall, 10 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 9 bottles of beer on the wall."

Dean has the sudden, irrational fear that he'll stop at the liquor store and the shelves will be bare. The person behind the counter will join the singing.

"9 bottles of beer on the wall, 9 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 8 bottles of beer on the wall.

"8 bottles of beer on the wall, 8 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 7 bottles of beer on the wall.

"7 bottles of beer on the wall, 7 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 6 bottles of beer on the wall.

"6 bottles of beer on the wall, 6 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 5 bottles of beer on the wall.

"5 bottles of beer on the wall, 5 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 4 bottles of beer on the wall.

"4 bottles of beer on the wall, 4 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 3 bottles of beer on the wall.

"3 bottles of beer on the wall, 3 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 2 bottles of beer on the wall.

"2 bottles of beer on the wall, 2 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 1 bottle of beer on the wall."

Dean parks in the parking lot of the liquor store and flees the Impala. He's fighting a paralyzing fear that they'll start over once they hit zero. 

He walks into the liquor store, trying to calm himself. He breathes deeply and looks around. The girl behind the counter is listening to a football game on the radio. There is no music of any kind. He begins grabbing alcohol from the shelves.

A few moments later, the girl behind the counter happily sells the sexy but stressed-looking customer the 99 bottles of beer he's piled into his cart. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
